No awkward lesbian experiences without me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
