lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
