Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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