shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
