ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
