i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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