Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
