I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
