ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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