Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize