There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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