just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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