I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
