He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize