Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
