The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
