your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
