Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize