look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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