My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
worst night to have a conscience
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
