do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize