I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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