Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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