If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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