My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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