I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
