and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We need to get me chipped asap
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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