The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
