I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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