I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
