Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize