just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
