my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
