i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
