You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
