it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
