Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize