talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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