No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize