Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
