is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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