when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
