It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
These tits shall not be calmed
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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