Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
