He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize