so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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