He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
