I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm like, not good at living.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
