i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
