what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
