Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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