i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
