Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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