There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
