I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
