I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
