He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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