And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
