I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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