Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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