It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
