I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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