Swine flu. Run for my life!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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