Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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