Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
