he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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