found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
