The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
