He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
