just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I need moral support for this bender
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
