who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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