I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
