To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
