I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i would punch a child for taco bell
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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