I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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