I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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