you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She told me I should be a condom model.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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