When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
