I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
