im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
