went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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