life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
