I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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