just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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